Ep. 04: De-Stigmatize Mental Health Already

Animated gif of a Black woman in front of a pink wall waving away

Mental health isn’t a trendy phrase — it has real, deep impact on people throughout their lives.

From my perspective as someone who lives with PTSD, anxiety, and being neurodivergent, I work hard at my mental health every single day since I’ve entered adulthood. From childhood abuse and trauma, to struggling through systemic racism and a plethora of other isms borne from white supremacy, I advocate for my mental health in workplaces, personal relationships, and with family. This often is coded as with grossly inaccurate words because I refuse to allow my mental health to return me to a place of believing I shouldn’t draw breath.

TW: sensitive topics

This episode about mental health felt really good to get out but when I played it back, I felt so incredibly vulnerable. It’s very telling of how much more stigma is placed on mental health than other health matters. My first paid therapy session was with a white male psychotherapist when I was 20. To say it didn’t turn into a consistent relationship is an understatement.

It would take me 6 years before I would begin to see therapist who identified as Black women who had better approaches and understanding because of our shared identities in a white supremacist society. In this episode I share very candidly about my first suicidal ideations as a middle schooler and how those continued into my late teens, early 20s.

To imagine wanting to no longer be on this floating rock as a little kid is heartbreaking. Yet nowadays it’s more and more common that young kids choose to unalive themselves either because of bullying, abuse at home, or low self-image and self-esteem.

While I do talk about my neurodivergence a bit in this episode, I also could have mentioned how the death of my grandmother who raised me the majority of my life likely triggered the overflow of mental health issues that were buried within my mind. Her death and the grief I hold surrounding it will live with me forever. It impacts me in many ways and definitely adds to my journey with managing my mental health in a way that brings me peace and wholeness.

From my brief time in the military to the over a decade of working in predominately white spaces, the trauma inflicted has only added to my challenges with mental health. On paper I would be seen as having it all together, but in reality it is never that simple. Should this be held against me? Absolutely not! Yet somehow, my mental health will be used against me or disregarded by many who think that having mental health issues and/or being honest about them is a weakness, evidence of incapability, or deems you unworthy of respect, fair treatment, and much more.

And there’s also the fact that mental health can be a costly health matter to deal with. Finding a therapist who could understand my identities, especially as a Black woman, meant having decent insurance at times on my journey. I’m also fortunate that when I didn’t have a job, I found resources that connected those seeking therapy with therapists who accepted lower session rates or payment from an organization that would fund my therapy.

Therapy alone won’t be all anyone ever needs to manage their mental health. I found community in ways that worked for me, like private Slack groups for Black women or Black creatives and Zoom bookclubs or coffee chats with other Black women in my industry. It will be mix of different healthy things for each individual, so you have to figure that out for yourself.

Do I see myself as less than because I have mental health that I’m managing? No. I’m still me and my accomplishments, my brilliance, my talent, none of that disappears from existence because of my mental health. It’s always with me.

Maybe if the rest of the world could view it from that POV there might be less stigma, but I’m not sure the world is ready to stop judging others in place of owning their own shit…

Are you listening?

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Ep. 03: Video Games Aren’t Only for Boys